You'll Strangle Yer Eyes!

Got back from my grandparents today and I have to say the time I spent up there was good.

TUESDAY
Only thing that really happened was my cousin Fiona came round to do her Virgin Vie party (basically sell a load of beauty products) and she brought James with her. I commented on James' Billabong hat, saying "Why're you wearing a tea-cosy on your head?" It really did look like a tea cosy. He got me back by commenting my height (or rather lack of). I then had a nice jacket potato with prawns. Fiona was gutted we didn't leave her any prawns. I didn't care, and James and I had bowls of ice cream we were munching on. Ver' nice!
Fi also straightened my hair properly, doing the underneath bits and evrything. I loved it when it was done.
'Party' time and Liz and I were forced to sit in the middle of this circle of women, both young and old. Mind you, I got two packs of Haribo out of it so it wasn't all bad.

WEDNESDAY
Woke up late, and enjoyed a nice boiled egg for breakfast. Then walked to Morrisons with Mum, Liz and Grandma. Bought a tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream *drools* Love that stuff.
We got back and then we went out for lunch at a very nice pub. I had Red Snapper for the first time and it was very delicious. Red Snapper is fish by the way. Then for pudd'n, I had what was called a Frozen Chocolate Orange Bombe. Basically some orange syrup stuff covered in chocolate ice cream and served frozen. 'Twas very tasty when I got into it. Afterwards I just spent the day lazing around.

THURSDAY
Had smoked haddock for breakfast this morning. My GOD, what a gorgeous breakfast! Complete with orange juice, it has to be the most English breakfast I've possibly had xD
Spent the day lazing around really, reading, watching Danger Mouse. Where I was sat, I couldn't see the TV all that well, but I couldn't be bothered to move but I still tried to watch it. Grandpa walks in and says to me "You'll strain your eyes!" but I could've sworn he said "You'll strangle yer eyes!"


That was pretty much the most exciting things that happened whilst I was at my grandparents. And tomorrow I'm meeting Lozz in town, so that should be good.

MoFail

P.S I FORGOT! IT FUCKIN SNOWED ON TUESDAY NIGHT! It looked like this on the following morning:
CRAZY!

Hi ho, hi ho...

So, off to my Grandparents' tomorrow. In Reading.

So no updates for the next 2/3 days. Not that you'll care much anyway.

MoFail

Fucking Hairdryers

On my way back from my round, these two chavs are riding down the FOOTPATH on their elastic band-driven hairdryers (i.e mopeds)

It's called a footpath for a reason, asswipes.

Fucking British Summertime

Why must our clocks go forward and back? Going back an hour isn't good when you're at an all-night party.

All-night party + Clocks going back an hour = unbearably long day.

LIAR!

I'm pissed off. My Top Gear magazine told me a new series would be starting tonight. It says 'Top Gear will be back on air 26th October 8PM'

THE HELL IT WAS! Adolf looked on topgear.com and it says it's actually starting NEXT weekend.

For fucks sake Nigel.

MoFail

"We'll Get You To Nazi Germany"

Pirate Party was good... from what I can remember.

So I got there with Kayleigh and Aaron and there was some fun going on already. Dudley was thrilled when he saw me: he got up from the sofa, took me by the shoulders and said to me "Don't worry, Richard, we'll get you to Nazi Germany." and walked off, leaving me slightly bewildered. Keri arrived and was also pleased to see me. She offered me some of her Fosters and I obliged. Both Keri and Jae started chanting "Chug, chug, chug!" and I ended up dribbling. Not a good look.
Then I ended up in Nate's room playing Guitar Hero. After about 2 songs I got bored so went on the hunt for my own drink. I found my own can of Fosters in the kitchen, but not before Kayleigh ordered me to take a whacking great slug of whiskey.
I finished my first can of Fosters quite quickly, crushed the can against my head and went for a second.
Out in the back garden, Jae was showing off by wheelying in a wheelchair. He did fairly well, only falling off twice and then offered me the chair. I obliged ans decided to go off-road in it. I got stuck. So I finished my second can of Fosters, crushed the can against my head and... passed out. In a wheelchair. I hope there are no pictures...
So I was out of it for the whole night basically. I got woken up by a text from Loz and I think I may have scared her in my reply. Somehow I got from the back, to the front of the house, and I have no recollection of how it happened. I remember hearing Benji's voice but that's the only Benji I encountered that night- I didn't see him whatsoever. I crashed on the sofa in the front room where some nice girl sat next to me holding my hand. I kept apologising for not knowing her name. All I know is she was blonde, but there were a few blonde girls there. No doubt we'll see each other in college...
Then I was CARRIED up to Joel's room by 7 people and dumped on the bed to sober up. Kayleigh came and stroked my hair for god knows how long. Jae announced I had a new nickname - Jonny Two-Pints - and I noticed a poster of Joels that I found interesting. "What the fuck is Jizzy Tissue doing alongside those bands!?" The bands in question were The Enemy and The Wombats and Jizzy Tissue was Lethal Bizzle. Kayleigh was intrigued as to how I got Jizzy Tissue out of Lethal Bizzle so I explained to her about Top Gear Of The Pops from last year where Clarkson described him as Jizzy Tissue.
Dudley joined us and started saying "Richard, you are ginger, but that's alright." He wouldn't shut up. He also yelled at me "Why aren't you making the fucking gravy!?", spitting in my jug as he did.
Then there's a gap inbetween that and being woken up and told to leave Joels room. So I went back downstairs and played more Guitar Hero and Midnight Club 3 in Nate's room. Then we stuck on a Blink 182 DVD and stuck the 5/6 videos on continuous. I got bored of that so joined Chris, Jade, Aaron Kayleigh and Matt back in the front room. Strictly speaking, Matt was fast asleep so he doesn't really count. But we were there, talking about nothing important and then we all scrunched up on the sofa and tried to get at least some sleep. It worked. Kinda.

Morning came and what was left of us piled into the front room and started talking about the previous night and various mishaps (Joel and Nate had a fight, Joel hugged Poppy saying "Dudley, I love Poppy." and other such happenings.) Upon opening the curtains to see grey skies and rain, Dudley exclaimed "Look what a shit day it is!" Chris had to leave us for work and Aaron's parents kindly lifted Kayleigh and I back to our respective homes.



In my defence, I will say that I drank on an empty stomach so the alcohol affected me worse than usual.

Your friendly neighbourhood Mo.

Hamlyn for £2 and Cheese Ovaries.

Met up with Kayleigh in town and had a very nice time.

We first went to Greggs so Kayleigh could get something to eat and a woman in the queue asked for something that I misheard as 'Cheese Ovary'. I told Kayleigh this and a disgusted look appeared on her face. We noticed an offer on sausage rolls whereby you could buy 4 for £2. However, we refuse to acknowledge 4, instead we call it Hamlyn (long story). And so it turned into Hamlyn for £2. *shudder*.
We then spent a fair bit of time people watching, and laughing at various knobs. One in question was talking on his phone with a very very big smile on his face. We decided that he was gay and talking to his boyfriend. I wouldn't put it past him.
We then went to find Milli in Primark. That didn't take long at all xD We had a brief chat with her and then went elsewhere.
We ventured back into the Brunel and Kayleigh decided to take me into a photo booth for pictures we wouldn't be paying for...
We then walked to the Outlet Village where I met her friends Gary and Kelsey. It was nice meeting them. Kelsey said I wasn't quite the Mo she had pictured. I wonder how she did picture me...
We then ended up back in Town where we bumped into Joel. He asked Kayleigh if she was going to his Pirate Party and she said yes. They were talking about the party for a while and then Joel, who hardly knows me, said to me "You can come if you want." Result.

And so Kayleigh and I formulated a plan that she comes to mine, talks to Aaron on MSN to arrange transport for me and we go to hers so he can pick both of us up there. It worked.

Expect to see an entry about aforementioned party.

Your friendly neighbourhood Mo.

P.S Kayleigh and I also decided that the number 2 should be eradicated, following suit of Jade Puget. We now count as follows: 1, 3, Hamlyn, 5 and so on...